Lesson Number Two:
It’s Okay To Say No.
It really really is. Sometimes NO is enough to jumpstart self-sufficiency. Sometimes NO is a little time-out. Sometimes NO is just a little break in the insanity. But whatever it is, it’s not a Bad Thing.
NO is about boundaries – physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological. NO is about respecting your own boundaries, which in turn means you recognize & respect the boundaries of others. NO is about knowing where you end and someone else begins.
If you are attached to the outcome of someone else’s problem, you won’t be able to say NO. If you feel responsible for someone else’s feelings, you won’t be able to say NO. If you truly believe that the person with whom you are dealing is not capable of managing his/her own business (even with all evidence to the contrary), you won’t be able to say NO. You will be exploited and scammed, worn out and used, angry and hurt … and burnt out.
NO is your friend. NO is your partner. NO is one of the best tools in your toolbox.
"No, I can’t do that." "No, I won’t do that." "No, that’s not part of my job, but I can show YOU how to do that for yourself." "No, I won’t have time to work on that until Tuesday." "No, that’s not appropriate." "No, that’s not acceptable." "No, I won’t give you money." "No, and don’t speak to me that way again." It’s a very useful word. It’s an abuse-stopper. It’s a pause to reconsider your role. It’s a definite, firm position.
NO isn’t necessarily the opposite of YES. "No, I won’t be able to do that for you – but I can help you find someone who might."
If you can say NO, it means you are clear about what your role is. It means you can see the bigger picture & where you are in that picture.
A firm grasp on NO and a willingness to use it makes it harder for scammers, exploiters, and users to make any headway.
It’s OK to say NO.
